2021. What a year.
I think everyone can agree that this was a weird one. It wasn’t quite the chaotic trainwreck that was 2020, and yet society still doesn’t feel fully settled yet. It’s as though we’re all floating around in this strange state of stagnation, trying to cling onto any fibre of certainty we can.
But nevertheless, struggles produce lessons to learn, which in turn encourages character growth. Facing challenges with a smile is a difficult thing to do, and I’m definitely not a pro at it, but a good mindset to have when bad things happen is not ‘why is this happening to me’ but ‘what can I learn from this experience’.
Here are some things I personally have learnt over the past year that I hope will be valuable to you. If you yourself have learnt anything and would like to share it, please feel free to comment.
xo
1. Stop waiting for what you want – go for it now!
Honestly, just do whatever the f*ck you want. When you realise that time is precious and you only have one life, you stop caring what other people think and just go for it. Think about it – in a hundred and fifty years’ time, it’s most likely that every single person on this planet will be dead. It’s a morbid thought, but also a freeing one – DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH THE TIME THAT YOU HAVE!!
2. Don’t waste energy on people who make you feel bad
I know that this is such a difficult concept to grasp when you’re in the midst of a friendship or relationship that you feel stuck in, but guess what – you don’t have to feel unhappy! In fact, you probably shouldn’t be feeling down as much as you are. It’s not normal. If you can see that it’s a person that is making you feel bad most of the time then please, PLEASE leave them in 2021. Even though they may have given you some good experiences, these are not worth the suffering you also have to deal with. There will be something so so so much better for you out there, trust me. YOU control the people you surround yourself with, never forget this.
3. Mind your business and focus on growing
Leaning into gossip and caring about other peoples lives can be an easy thing to slip into. But honestly, when you stop giving a shit about other people and just focus on your personal growth by learning to love the time you spend completely alone, life suddenly feels a whole lot more liberating! You don’t have to care about what other people are doing with their lives, or what they think about your life on social media. Put the phone down and read a book, paint a picture or explore the great outdoors!
4. Always keep a strong focus on the present
I know anxiety about the future can be all consuming, and that’s coming from personally experience. But I’ve learnt to stop stressing about what my life will look like in a week, or a month or a year. It’s cheesy, but the future is not promised and all we have is right now. Take life hour by hour if you have to. Focusing on the 24 hours we have right now and taking small steps towards where we eventually want to be is far more useful than worrying. If you’re struggling, try meditation or journaling – these can really help with calming anxiety and staying present.
5. Don’t fall in love with potential
Again, I am very prone to doing this when it comes to relationships, but it just never works out well. As a hopeless romantic, I will often accidently idealize a person in my head, and pay so much attention to what could be the future with them that I ignore the red flags right in front of my face. Don’t ever compromise your present for a distant future that will most likely never come to fruition. Actions speak louder than words, and if the actions of a person aren’t aligning with the ideal future you have with them in your head, they probably never will. Make the decision to have peace in your life over prioritising a fantasy. What is right will find you. <3
6. Trust patterns, not apologies
Sometimes, people can be very good at apologies. However, once is a mistake and twice is a pattern. Again, actions speak louder than words, so if someone is having to apologise to you multiple times for hurting you in the same way, they’re not learning. And more often than not, people don’t change their patterns. It’s hard to hear when you want so badly to forgive them and believe that they will change, but in this type of situation you need to put yourself first or you’ll find yourself stuck in a loop of hurting, apology, hurting, apology etc. And this is not right.
7. Don’t chase people
If something is right, it will naturally blossom and bloom without you feeling like you’re losing yourself for it. Keep your standards high, and what will match your energy will naturally come to you. If they want to be in your life, they will stay. You can’t force people to love you, and trying to do that will only drive them away more and make you feel deflated. Work on accepting what something is and letting it go if you need to.
8. Forgive yourself for past mistakes
Holding onto things that you can’t change or control is not healthy for you. It’s a new year, a fresh start. Let all that stuff go and focus on having a growth mindset for the new year. Learn from the things that happened to you or that you did wrong – use it to fuel your ambition for change and the life you know that you deserve.
9. Loving yourself is not selfish, and you should do it more!
There is a huge difference between loving yourself and being arrogant. What I mean by asking you to love yourself is that you do not let the opinions of others shape how you view yourself. You need to learn to value yourself as a person on your own, without the gratification of others. If that’s how you value yourself, then you’re going to slip into unhealthy habits of co-dependency. You need to be able to love yourself in order to give and receive real love to/from others. If you don’t, you might just end up loving the way someone makes you feel rather than them as a person, and that’s not fair on either of you. Find the confidence within you – fake it till you make it if you have to – and always know your worth.
I hope this list helped you in some way! Leave a comment if you’d like to share any lessons you learnt over the past year, or things you want to start doing more in 2022.